Why selling yourself is a whole different ball game

I've spent more than half my life working in roles where I was selling something. First in marketing, then face-to-face sales, partnerships, and even leading growth teams. Along the way I've sold fun stuff: shopping malls, beer and advertising, I've sold serious stuff: home loans, KiwiSaver, insurance, and I've sold commodities: telco, oil and everyday banking.

I'm not a "sell ice to Eskimos" kind of salesperson. I've always believed good sales starts with understanding the customer, and finding ways to genuinely add value for them, which is a big part of what I do now at Fryerhq, just from the other side of the table. And I've been lucky. For the most part I've sold things I actually believe in. (Side note: stay tuned for "the quick route to burnout," post on what happens when you're selling something you don't believe in.)

Without being arrogant, I know I'm pretty good at it too. Good client feedback, a high return rate, years of getting activity in market and consistently delivering results.

So when I started Fryerhq, I was genuinely floored at what I found. I was terrible at selling myself. Genuinely awkward. I'd sit down to write something as simple as a "why me" section for a proposal and completely spiral. Then completely spiral again because, who is going to trust someone to sell them, when they can't even sell themself!

And it turns out it wasn't just me.

That same week, I was chatting to my hairdresser. She's an outgoing, chatty and confident person (and a great hairdresser). When she worked in someone else's salon, she was first in line for every event, networking, telling everyone about the salon she worked in, no hesitation. Now she runs her own place, and even the thought of having her face on a website or getting out there promoting herself makes her uncomfortable, so she's been putting it off.

Then there's a good friend of mine, one of the most experienced technology leaders in the region, and genuinely passionate about what he does (a four-hour car ride complete with detailed SD-WAN description can attest to that). But suggest he should put himself out there and talk about why businesses should use him, and it's a hard no. (Side note: I'm slowly dragging him online this year. Turns out you really can nag someone into action.)

The more sole traders I checked in with, the more I found this. And not just from shy people, or wallflowers. Some of the most talented, capable people I know, completely confident in other situations, were completely thrown by the idea of marketing themselves.

So why is it?

Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I do have a few theories.

Tall poppy syndrome is still alive and well in our culture, and we see it every day in our media, conversations, and rife on social media. Nobody wants to be the one who gets cut down for daring to say they're good at something, so it's safer to not say anything at all.

We're taught to be 'humble' since childhood. Talking yourself up was always braggy. A show-off move. Not something that good kiwi's do.

Then there's our own high standards. I've never sold a product that was perfect. Every single one had weaknesses, but I never took those personally, because they weren't me. When you're the product, though, that changes. If the "product" isn't quite right, does that mean you're not good enough? Putting yourself out there when you might hear 'you're not for me' or you know yourself your work isn't 'perfect', especially early on is a really tough thing to do. That's even harder in roles like marketing, consulting, and hair dressing, when there isn't always a clear 'right' or 'wrong' solution.

Then there's the introvert factor. When I'm talking about a product or a service, I'm not the one in the spotlight, it is. The moment I am the product, the light swings straight onto me. And a lot of us just don't love that.

That last one reminds me of my time in a government science agency. Most of the scientists were strong introverts (I was in my happy place). A new GM came in, no science background, loud, bubbly, extroverted, the total opposite of most of the existing team. She walked the halls and watched scientists look down, look away, or suddenly find their phone very interesting, and she determined that meant the culture was suffering. With the best of intentions, she decided to take action.

At the next team meeting, she called out every scientist who'd been published that quarter, one by one, up to the front, presented a certificate while the audience applauded.

And she left feeling like she'd made a real difference. But a short while later a "nominated" scientists knocked on her door. "None of the scientists will come to the next meeting if you do that again," he said. To her credit, she listened. Turns out the issue wasn't recognition, they wanted their work recognised, just not themselves, personally, on display. So, she changed tack. Now she sends a personal email to the scientist to recognise them quietly, and in that team meeting, the work, not the person gets recognised.

So how do we get over the uncomfortable and market ourselves?

Drawing on that story, and on years of being comfortable selling other things, one thing I've found genuinely useful is to think about what I do as selling a product or a service, one that just happens to be delivered by me. That doesn't mean talking about myself in the third person, or pretending I'm a big company. I'm just not "selling Marie," I'm selling a small business brand package, a strategy workshop, a content strategy.

I've changed how I talk about my own experience, too. Instead of feeling like I need to show off why I'm so amazing (deeply awkward), instead I focus on the impact for the business I've worked with: "here's how this worked when I was at X company." Which, honestly, is more interesting to the person listening anyway.

It's not a perfect fix. But I've found it helps.

The other thing that helped me is not going it alone. It's a humbling thing for a marketer to admit, needing help marketing herself, but it did me a world of good. Some good marketing friends helped me find the words for my point of difference and my strengths, far better than I could on my own.

And that's honestly where I can help too. If you need a hand figuring out how to message and market yourself, from someone who's been through the exact same discomfort, and isn't going to suggest anything more excruciating than necessary, get in touch. I'd love to help.